Monday, July 7, 2008

It's the night before the big day- The SSDI appt.

Hello all,

Well tomorrow is the day... my SSDI application appointment. I'll be honest, I'm a nervous wreck. Really, really uptight about things, as I'm not one to go in and do things on the fly and really worried I won't say what I need to as they fill out that app for me. But by the same token, I hope that it will truly show the difficulties I have nowadays with going out and trying to function in the real world.

Mike is working 2nd shift tonight and it's good. Giving me a chance to type here and talk to you all a bit. I've been in a bit of denial, kinda dropping hints to him here and there, but as silly as this sounds, having done this time and time again already, I'm rattled. I've gone to the gym and the grocery store with a friend, a first in quite some time. With having Honey, I'm doing more on my own, which is what I wanted, but because Mike HAS been doing it, I'm getting quite a slap in the face at how hard it is for me to follow things, function in the real world now. Honestly it's scary. I feel like things are almost swirling around me because they are moving faster and I'm not in tune, able to keep up with it, if that makes sense? And it bothers me. Really bad.

So I've been compiling all of this stuff for my application. I came across the audiogram that *I* got when we went through this rigamarole last time in Dec. 2005, and it had speech recognition percentages on there.

Here's what it said:
Right earspeech reception threshhold: 75 decibels
speech discrimination score 36% at 85 decibels.
Most comfortable level: 80-85 decibels

Left ear
speech reception threshhold: 75 decibels
speech discrimination scoorse 60% at 85 decibels.
Most comfortable level: 85 decibels

Which from what I've heard, isn't too far from Cochlear Implant requirement levels and I know I've lost more since this exam. *sigh*

Sue told me tonight about the front page article in the Indianapolis star yesterday, how fitting with all of this, yet depressing too. :(

But on a better note, I did get my app for Partners in Policymaking filled out, scanned and emailed in today, the last day for the deadline! Mike said yes!!! whoo hoo! I hope I'll be accepted. :)

I'm off for bed, hopefully I can sleep tonight, unlike last night, as I was up several times, with nerves getting the better of me I think, with the stuff for this appt. and with the planning for our disney trip in a week. :) I can't wait! :D

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